Do I need to hard reboot my libido or what?
As a bit of background, I made it out to Vancouver for this work trip. Things are going quite well so far--the four other guys I'm working with are experienced, hardworking, and fun to hang out with, and we're making excellent progress on the project--in fact, we're further along on this day than any other similar previous project. In case you were curious, this local newspaper article describes the job--it's a test hut, like we have at the university.
But to move into the purpose of this post: we went out to dinner tonight in Coquitlam (the town where the jobsite is located) to a restaurant called Joey Tomato's. It seems that one of their main draws is that their serving staff is very attractive: yes, in short, hot waitresses who wear stylish outfits.
Now my coworkers were having a fun time, arguing over who should have the choice viewing spots at the table. And they are all married or have girlfriends. I, on the other hand, found it... well, more depressing than anything else. I'll full well admit that the waitresses were hot and very stylish. And yes (as I've probably stated before), I am straight, it's just that I'm very bad at it. But when I've mentioned to my friends that this type of experience depresses me, I usually get bemused or incredulous looks. Therefore, I thought I'd try to reverse-engineer and explain what's going on in my head.
For one, I guess I find it depressing that part of my brain can easily be attracted by features on such a vapid basis, while actually talking to these women would quite likely be painful. To wit, here is a Harlan Ellison quote from a piece on dating services that holds some great truth:
I flipped through the loose-leaf pages. Rachel S-64. Denise S-116. Betty S-286. Past woman after woman; younger women, older women; stouter women, thinner women; innocent looking women, bold looking women, chic women, reserved women. And I understood that much as we feel compelled to play the “person in his/her own right” lip-service game, in the first burning instants that we meet someone who is a potential vessel of True Love, we are as one with the naked ape. It is always, in those first trembling moments, the aesthetic of line and curve and hollow and solid flesh that widens our eyes and raises our temperatures. The subliminal message of certain body-heats, the flush of health, the movement of a slim hand through certain-colored hair, the horizon line of a smile that speaks of far lands ready for exploration. What culturally-hip hypocrites we are: talking of wit and wisdom, of good deeds and similar interests, when our chimes ring first and loudest for the high cheekbone, the tight little ass, the strong chin or the quick flash of crossed leg. It’s nice to delude ourselves that we move in the stately pavane of the social contract, but if we listen carefully we can hear the murmurs of the veldt and the jungle near at hand.
Second, and more importantly, whenever an attractive woman that I don't know approaches and starts talking to me, part of my brain immediately responds, "Yes, yes, you're pretty. Thanks... and good for you. Now, what are you trying to get out of me?" I guess it is that I know that I'm not a player in whatever game they're playing, and don't want to be bothered/suckered with it. I guess that guys who have had more success might be able to approach these situations with a bit more of a postive attitude. However, I know full well that I flirt with all of the grace of an automotive assembly line robot, and therefore should try to avoid doing so.
Third, [the rest of my brain] finds women who are stylish in such a focused and mass-market manner very off-putting. The A|X Bags they carry make me cringe, thinking, "Well, whose rich-guy paycheck will that be coming out of in the future?..." (note: I actually needed a Google search to figure out what A|X stands for, and it's not A pipe X).
Anyway, apologies if this is incoherent rambling; going to this restaurant involved several rounds of drinks. An edit or addendum may be in order in the next few days.