Lookitt my Buuuut!!!
Okay, this might be one of the more ridiculous blog posts I've written in a while, but I took today off as a sick day, and I got really bored. Also, I don't understand how lying around the house and watching TV is supposed to make you feel better--my cough is about as bad, and I feel hideously unproductive. Well, at least I got a few loads of laundry done.
Anyway, this is a story about pants and my ass. Specifically: I have never had pants that fit me, because I am so ridiculously shaped--I'm in the bottom 1% of adult male heights in this country, and borderline overweight/obese according to BMI charts. As a result, my pants are 36 waist/30 inseam, with the bottom six inches lopped off the leg (yes, that's right--a 24 inch inseam). This means the seat of my pants are baggy, and the crotch hangs down well below the normal location.
I've always meant to try one of those custom-fit clothing websites--so I ordered a custom set of khakis from Land's End. There are loads of measurements (height, weight, sportcoat size, shoe size, waist, inseam, sleeve length...). Among them is "Seat shape"--Look at yourself from the side, and determine which of the following three options best describes the shape of your seat:. On other words, "What does your ass look like?"
Huh. I can't say that I spend much time looking at my ass. How to solve this problem?... time for digital camera, tripod, and timer!
Hrm... how much of that is the jeans fabric material? Apologies, but here's my butt in biking clothes:
Sorry if you want to burn your eyeballs out of your head now. Note that I'm not wearing a belly shirt--I pulled it up to remove a covering layer.
Man... to be honest, it appears that my ass is prominent, yo. Ahem: Prominent/High — The top of your seat curves sharply out from your lower back. (Do not choose this option if you simply feel you have a "large seat.") Huh... great, so it's the difference between having a prominent ass, or a fat one. Swell.
I will continue with stories of my ass and the fit of these new pants when they arrive (five to six weeks, according to the website).
posted by Bats @ 5:29 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
I believe the phrase we're looking for here is: "Batman got back".
(Cue Jonathan Coulton cover.)
How much cough medicine today, K? :-)
Just to beat anyone else to the line:
"Bats, if you're gonna stuff your pants, remember to stuff the front, not the back!!"
You seem to have same problem as Kip: your butt is on upside down. Most peoples' butts are subject to gravity; both yours and his go upwards instead.
Given that several of my friends rate Kip's butt the finest they have ever seen in my house, this is true praise indeed.
Bats, I just found this entry now, and I laughed out loud in the cafe reading it. Not in the least because I was just writing a livejournal post about trying to find boots that fit my (apparently tremendous) calves. Maybe you should just get some custom-made pants from one of those we take your measurements and make you pants in singapore type deals.
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