Bats' Rules of Machines

There are two rules that I formulated while an undergrad, dealing with mechanical repairs, care of machines, and the use of force in dealing with machines. They were (1) if it makes you happy, make it happy (i.e., if it is a good reliable tool/machine, take care of it.) (2) if it makes you unhappy, make it unhappy (i.e., if it is being a punkass bitch, pound the hell out of it). This might be considered an example of the latter.

The tailgate latch on my car stopped working on my last trip to Boston. It had been giving me problems for over a year (handle stuck in one position or another; wouldn't latch), but I could baby it along. However, a bunch of other people used it this trip, and it finally gave up the ghost. Since there is no interior handle, I had to load and unload my station wagon via the back doors since then.

I decided it was high time to do some repairs. The first few attempts were abject failures: trying to jimmy open the latch with a screwdriver from the inside (didn't give), and unscrewing the striker plate from the car body frame (the piece at the bottom of the dotted line in the diagram below; no room to unbolt it).




After carefully studying the Chilton's diagram, and weighing my options, I decided: "Fuck it. I'm going to drive this car until it dies, and I want a trunk that friggin works." So the cordless drill and bit came out to the car, and I started drilling access holes through the interior plastic body panel, trying to find the handle rod (thing coming down from the handle).

It took a few tries, but the orthoscopic automotive surgery was successful. And I now have a set of needlenose locking pliers as a trunk handle!

Okay, I'm going to buy the repair part and fix it for real sooner or later. I need my pliers back.

UPDATE: Bought the replacement handle and installed it (7/20). I now have a station wagon with a working rear hatch. Feels rather novel.